Hi, Kate,
I've been meaning to talk to you about something very important. As you know I love programming. Programming has filled my life for so many years. It's become my nature. I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't imagine being anywhere else except in close proximity of my computer. I think I'm very happy in this union. We've achieved a perfect harmony in our relationships. We understand each other before any word gets spoken. I ask my computer for something and it does it for me. Without any caprice, without scandals, without ultimatums. I respect this sensitive relationship and try to give back all I can. I buy it new hardware, make regular upgrades and install the latest software so that it feels it stays "à la mode" every new season. Sometimes it takes all my savings so I take credits. But it doesn't really matter what it costs you when you want to make your partner happy.
Recently I've been thinking that my movement forward has somewhat stalled. A programmer must always seek to obtain new skills and look out for new challenge. I feel like I've achieved the summit in my relationships with machines. I'd like to try out something new, something unorthodox. I'd like to attempt a relationships with... a human.
Yes, I know, it sounds scary. You probably feel the same way. But I think I've gotten to know you. We're two of the kind. You also love machines. You also have the perfect understanding of their ways. You also see yourself in their world for the rest of your time (and hopefully beyond that). But you also have this subtle sense of your mind missing some challenge. It can make you thrill at the prospect of doing something unpredictable, with the elements of randomness and chaos involved.
So I've decided to begin a new project. An experiment if you wish. I will start a relationship with a fellow programmer. I will document every challenge, analyze it and write some code to find a solution to it calculating probabilities of myriads of possible scenarios. It will be a complex task but with a rewarding outcome. It'll add to the knowledge about random processes, situations and probabilities. It should contribute to the research in the field of artificial intelligence. I sincerely hope. But ultimately the goal of the project will be to learn new ways of interaction to improve our communication with computers.
So I'd like to invite you to join my team. You're just the kind of person who'd understand the ultimate value of this project. You're that kind of team member who'd sacrifice her private life and abandon her sweet computer for a time to explore new knowledge horizons because you know it will pay off.
You might think I'm... interested in your as a person, of worse, as a... woman. Take no offense! I don't believe in relationships with humans. Especially with women. They're inherently unpredictable and have no stable foundation. They just make little sense. I could never imaging putting a woman in the center of my life.
Still, I believe the project is promising and worth some sacrifice. I'm considering pulling some venture capital to finance it. You know, all those necessary attributes like marriage ceremony, honeymoon and a closed environment (a house) to let relationships evolve without external interference (for the sake of the purity of the experiment).
So I'm asking you - will you join my team and accompany me on this wonderful journey?
